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EcDySiS oF tHoUgHt  Phillip is gone for the weekend visiting his friends in Rockferd. I wake up around 1pm and go to the studio. I set the kiln to burn out my wax vagina so i can cast it. I collect worms outside to feed to Little Dude. I go home and take a nap. Damian is good and cuddly while i sleep as always. I get up, make pizza. Eat it while i watch the latest episode of Dollhouse. I do love that show. I go to the studio. It is 6:30 pm. I remake my crown setting. I talk to my parents. I miss them horribly but i am really not a fan of phone conversations with them. Phone conversations with people i miss just seem so ... i don't know... desperate. Still i must call more often for their sake. They like phone conversations. I make the cast. I work on other things. I listen to most of a book called The Confederacy of Deuces. It's alright but has too much dialogue for my taste. I decide my crown setting isn't good enough and have to remake it for the tird time. I start feeling hungry and tired. I check the clock. It is 3:34am. I have been in the studio for 9 hours? I feel slightly dissatisfied. I feel as though i did not get enough done. Especially since the thing i spent have the time working on has to be redone... again. I walk home. It is raining. I love living in Madison where it is perfectly safe to walk home alone downtown at 4:30am. I am hungry but all the places on st. street that are open late for the drunk students with munchies after bar closing time close at 3:30. A tipsy man offers me his umbrella. He is nice but i decline. There are two drunk girls hanging on to each other trying not to fall. One does. The other one laughs at her. This city feels like it is mine. Not completely perfect but better then the past. I get home and open my door. I trip on the cat. I walk to the kitchen to make some food. Damian walks figure eights around my legs the whole while. He is very happy i am back. Phillip is gone this weekend and he has been alone for 9 hours. He only likes to pretend to be alone. In a corner of the room which i am in. I want to read his mind. My spaghetti is ready. Now i eat. Current mood:  cheerful.
(note: this is not well written. it is long. writing it made me feel a bit better so that's good) i took intro to java to fulfill my quantitative b (math) class. in the past (both madison and lawrence) i have taken the following to try and fulfill the math requirement. Symbolic Logic, Statistics (at Lawrence), and honors Chemistry (at UW). I have dropped all three because i couldn't keep up/understand the material. So now i am in java and i have a test today and i have no idea on earth how i am going to be able to pull off this class. Or any class which will fulfill the math requirement. Without it i can't graduate. yay. So far this term i have been sitting in front of my computer for 5 or 6 hours a night trying to get java to work. We have these mini programing assignments which have been trying to do for extra credit (30 or so of them are due in a few days). I am guessing one of these should take between one and 5 min. I have been working on them for 4 hours today and have thus far gotten one right. as all the other nights of sitting trying to do java for hours not making any progress at all, i am now in tears, feeling stupid/worthless/, thinking grim thoughts about my future or lack there of, wanting to smash everything in the apartment, and somewhat suicidal. In other words this is a typical java night. This class is doing a fabulous number on my mental psyche. Keep in mind that nothing in my 24 year life thus far has made me feel suicidal, let alone on a daily basis. Not even any of those three other classes i couldn't manage. I feel like i am on a path to something and the only thing in my way is a big stone wall, the only way to get threw the wall is to dig a hole in it. Unfortunately all i am given is a plastic spoon. Every time i try to spoon some out part of the spoon breaks off, and i am barely scratching at the wall. I desperately wish i was given a nice big drill or even a chizel. but alas, i got a spoon. My spoon and i were at the studio last night. I got there at 6pm and stayed untill 3:30am. I did not take any breaks except a 5 min one to eat a quick ramen type asian noodle thing. at the end of the 9 and a half hours i was totally ready to do another 3 or so, but i decided i should go home and be with Phillip for a bit before bed and not totally mess up my sleeping schedule. During the time at the studio i had audiobook Welcome to the Monkey House (a short story collection by Vonnegut who i have been listening to a lot lately) plugged into my spoon (eh, head i mean). I worked on a coddle fish casting of a ring band for a crown setting which i was also working on. Also a multiple prong setting, a rubber vulcanized mold, and the prototype to be put into the mold. Oh, and i worked on my woven chain bracelet. at one point my little crown setting popped off of the thingy it was stuck on while i was using the flex shaft on it and flew half way across the room (or so i thought), i then spent a good 20 min looking for it shure it was lost, i then accidentally found it on the desk next to mine. I ended up messing up the crown setting after putting about 3 hours into it (though it's hard to tell since i was popping back and forth between the different projects), and the coddle fish casting didnt turn out and i have to make another. I only mention all this to point out that about half of what i worked on that day didn't actually turn out. However, it didn't matter in the least. I didn't get frustrated, i didn't get mad (not even when i thought i lost the setting), i was in absolute bliss with my projects and my fabulous little stories to listen to. At the end of the 9 something hours i was in absolute euphoria even though i didn't actually finish any major project or do anything very exiting. I danced around as i cleaned up, and made a right nuisance out of myself to Phillip as i kept bubbling over with job after he picked me up. i couldn't fall asleep until 5 something am, i was so exited. I thought about it that day, and realized that every single day in my life when i worked on some 3d art (glass ceramics or metal) for more then 5 hours or so i would go into a ridiculously happy euphoric state. the longer i was working the more happy i'd be. (though it was never longer then 10 hours at once). This is not the case for 2d art, and it is not the case for graphic art either. I think this is because 3d art tends to require a person to flutter around and move a lot more from task to task then the scrunched over sitting in one place methodical style of drawing/painting/computer graphics. I can never sit in one place for that long, but i have no problem multi tasking amongst a few projects for a day. so it occurred to me. this is what makes me happy. going to the studio and working on some 3d type art for long stretches at a time. it makes me happy 100% of the time that i do it. and it makes me more happy then anything else i have ever done. so maybe this is what i should do with my life. unfortunately, it is impractical, and i don't know how i'd go about doing it. damn. I have just about had it with the damn tablets on the market today. So i want a new computer as mine is about 6 years old and, while it was fabulous then, it is now sloooooow... and the case is falling apart. Unfortunately for me i have gotten it into my noggin that i HAVE to have a tablet lap top (those things where the screen flips around and down and you can write and such on it). This is primarily so i can curl up with it on the couch while i surf the net as the "L" shape of the lap top is a bit aquard in my opinion. Also for graphic art stuff. I ALSO decided i wanted a lap top i can game on (eh. Bioshock. caugh). Well. I quickly realized that tablets simply DO NOT come with graphic cards which are good enough for serious games. This pissed me off. Then i realized that most tablets have 12in screens or smaller. There are 3 tablets to choose from with 13inch screens. Seriously, i kid you not! (apparently 15inch like what i am used to is unfuckingheard of) My options according to newegg are (in order of best to worst power wise) . ASUS R1E-D1, Fujitsu LifeBook T5010, Fujitsu LifeBook T1010. Well ok. I like the Asus the best looks wise. it's also got the best hardware. The T1010 is cheaper then the other two and crappier. The T5010 CAN be upgraded to be as good as the Asus but as they cost the sameish it will be more to do so, also it is uglier. Well ok... and then ..... These stupid people did not think to include DVI output on the lap tops! That's right. There is apparently practically no tablet out there with DVI. How the hell am i supposed to hook it up to my HD tv? They have VGA oh great, my tv does NOT have VGA. And VGA can't do HD anyway. They don't even have composite vidio! Ok, at this point in the night i got mad and Phil made me stop messing about. Next day i felt better as the obvious solution popped in my head. I'll just buy a docking bay! It can sit by the tv and i'll just pop the sucker in and wala. Obviously the docking bay will have DVI right? WRONG! WTF right? seriously WHAT THE FUCK! Now i am really really pissed. I wine at Phil about it. Well. obviously tablet computers aren't meant to be your only computer. oh no. they are meant to be your portable frisky little friend while your respectable strong desktop/desktop replacement laptop does all the dirty work back home. That's why they are so dinky and can't do shit. Eh. great. well maybe everyone else with tablets out there can afford to dish out about $1300 for their overpriced asses AND another $1000 for the homebody. EH. NOT ME! Also, having your life spread out on two different computers is a pain in the ass and i refuse to do it. So.. what do i do? obvious solution as presented by Phil: "don't get a tablet you stupid bitch" right. me: "i MUST HAVE A TABLET!" right... Well, off i go to find a damn tablet that has a compatible docking bay with dvi output. christ. ok. i guess i can use the belkin notebook expansion dock which is universal as it works with the express card. though i am skeptical on how well it will play hd. *eh* ups. no i am not. apparently it doesn't work (according to the reviews) *sigh* well i want the Asus but it just doesn't have a DVI expansion dock. ok. so i can just get a vga to dvi converter (though this seem dubious, but ok). They cost a lot but it's my only option if i want the Asus (which i do). The Asus is $1459.. yay. I am thinking i'll buy it with a credit card (assuming i get the damn thing soon) because saving up money for this thing will take a monthish and i really want to get it BEFORE my next term as i won't actually have much time then. eeeh. hopefully the credit card will come soon so i can get it and have a week or so of no school to play with it and get it all just so. Current mood:  aggravated.
Trying to study, trying to study, trying to study... can't seem to study. Studied some. Became sleepy. Drank a bit of coffee for the first time in months. Am now jittery and nervous. Keep compulsively looking at apartments online even though it is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too early to be doing it for next year. Keep seeing relatively acceptable things in the $700 range when i am looking for something more in the $400 range... hah! What i really want is to not move. To stay here, but here is $860 with an extra little room which i don't need. I'd need to find a roommate. Hate the idea of living with some random room mate. Them, bumming around, defiling my home, my life, my carefully obsessively composed existence, my sanity. ugh. Maybe i should be looking for best friends/boyfriends who i can happily share this home with instead of appartments. I don't know how to find them. I look online on okcupid and myspace and the people there seem horrid... except for a few... all of which i already know. Oh. this one seems really really cute and pretty, i love it. http://madison.craigslist.org/apa/91114 Of course it's available NOW not in the summer and it's $740 which is still too much. ugh. Living by yourself is expensive, especially anywhere near down town. I need to calm down. I need to finish my damn art history article. I need to get a job and save money so i can afford a nice place that i like that my endless amount of stuff will fit in. I can't get rid of my stuff, i acquired that stuff with love and it would be like taring my heart out. Well, ok, i can get rid of some of it of course... But but but but. I need to not drink coffee. I need to find a nice boy who is nice to me at least 80% of the time, and likes my animals and does not have mental problems weighing him down. "your not 17 anymore you know" says Mom. as in "Get a man who can support a family, make babies." ugh. Where does one meet them exactly? At bars? Bars are loud and a waste of money and i never meet anyone there. At clubs? what clubs? At parties? I don't go to parties. Parties are stupid filled with stupid people, and when they aren't i already know everyone. In a weird way Madison is a very small place. It's like all those UW students are just passing by, not really here, filler people. I have yet to get to know a single one of them. Not because i am antisocial but because they all already have their friends and never once was i in any opportunity to socialize with them outside of class. I have also yet to find a single one who seems worth really perusing. Meowww Meoww brrrrrm brrrm says DeDe. i go check on him. He is meowwing at my dance pole in the bedroom. He wants me to pole dance. When i do DeDe chases my feet around as i swing around and try not to land on him. he jumps up and down on the pole and tries to swing around and dance too. Tries to copy me. He loves it. It's so cute one of these days i'll get a video and put it on you tube and everyone will leave annoying comments about how it's animal cruelty... somehow. Now he is lolling about on my art history article, his head drooping off the edge in a funny way. He is tired and calm, he is back to being Damian. Yes, he, like most cats, i assume, has a weird split personality where he can go from really calm and sleepy to really really hyper in about two seconds. When he is hyper he is DeDe, when he is calm he is Damian. Guess which personality this picture belongs to? 
Current mood:  quixotic.
That last entry reminded me why i used to write in the blog so often (i'v had a lj since, what?, 2002? and i used to write in it every day, sometimes more then once). And before that i had a written one which is the only good thing i got out of high school. But then there was myspace and i felt the need to update both and it became more of a pain then anything else and i was happy and didn't need the self therapy that blogging is. So, i will write more often, i have decided. Subject: Fish tank Fish present (in a 30 gallon tank, i know there's too many for it) 1 musk turtle 6 tigar barbs (three of which are the "green" color morph 1 glass catfish (the rest dissapeard) 4 gourami (gold, blue, pearl, and paradise) 1 baloon molly 1 rainbow shark 1 lake Malawi Cichlid 1 beta splender 1 dragon goby 1 placo 1 pictus catfish lots of plants Yes i know, too many big bottom feeders and mid water swimmers and hardly no surface swimmers. so kill me. I wish i could get some neon tetras but they would eventually get eaten, and there really isn't room anyway. oh well. So, as it turns out, having a fish tank is very relaxing. It's kind of like a live action screen saver which is always on. I sit on the couch and zone out while staring at them all swimming around peacefully and think about stuff. Very nice. One simply can't stay stressed with fish around, they are too relaxing. Maybe that's why fancy buissness offices have them, to put clients in a state of lolling trusting ease. And it's fun to check on the Cichlid (who i called Anaid) to see if she is blue, or purple, or purple with blue stripes, or gray, or white with blue stripes, as she tends to change depending on her mood. The pictus is also funny as he does ridiculous acrobatics for hours on end. Hmm. i don't know why i felt the need to write about the fish, really. i need to sleep. like now. Current mood:  calm.
Ok, this is a VERY self indulgent entry. You probably shouldn't take the time to read it. I am making it public only because i have a rule that i make all entries public but, really, i wrote it for myself. To get shit out, to feel better, to organize my thoughts.. whatever. So you can read and comment if you want, but you have been warned. So... Phillip and i had a talk today and came to the decision that we should not live together. Well, i think we should not BE together. He thinks we should just not live together but should casually date. I think we should not be together because in a weird way we never really connected which i attribute to him never really letting me (or anyone else) in. and he attributes to me not really "getting" him. I think that because the thing with Jessica was so hurtful he sort of mentally "gave up" on trying to make relationships work and has never really put much effort into ours. The problem as i see it. -He treats me really really well and we have a good time... for about 3 days or so here and there. Unfortunately there is usually only two or at best three of these "3 good days" in any given month, and the rest of the time he treats me badly. And by badly i mean that he treats me as though i am the most annoying thing and he is barely putting up with my presence. Those not so good days are filled with me timidly attempting to hang out or do anything together and him saying in a cold bored voice "aha..." and "....." and so on. This is because Phillip is fundamentally a very introverted person who needs to be completely alone 70% of the time. Unfortunately this means that i have to pretend to not exist and totally avoid him at those times so as to not get on his nerves. The other 20% of the time he is feeling social and is nice and interactive with me. During the summer he is more social, and as the weather gets colder he gets less social. When things are going well in his life he also tends to be more social. The problem is i seem to have very little to do with his mood swings and living with him feels like some sort of emotional seesaw. I get used to him being cold and a total jurk, cut him off emotionally and go about my business. Just as i am getting used to it he will suddenly decide to be needy and nice and there i am getting emotionally entwined again. Then he goes cold. This has been going on for over a year and his warmth has slowly been getting more and more rare since July. Part of the problem, if not all of it, is that Phillip thinks that i am not smart enough for him. He treats me accordingly, which is to say, with much disdain, is patronizing all the time (though when he is nice he is more cute about it) makes it clear that 90% of what i say is stupid/annoying/not well put/not worth saying/inaccurate/ and ignorant. He, then, in turn does not find me a worthy person to share his highly knowledgeable thoughts with (no i do not say that sarcastically, he is highly knowledgeable in many fields, mostly those of sciences and technology). He also makes it clear that he does not think i posses much allure and or sex appeal and is booring in bed (which, considering i have trouble getting aroused due to my meds is a sensative point for me, and makes it about 100 times harder for me to make an effort for him since my efforts tend to get shut down with comments such as "oh, is this supposed to turn me on? seriously?" (Now, i think that Phillip is uncultured (does not know shit about the arts and does not care to) however i do not shake this in his face/hold it against him/ and think of him as a lesser human being for it because i understand that this is just not where his interests lie. and that is fine. ) -His social interaction style is opposite of mine. I wear my emotions and ideas on my sleeve and want others to as well. Phillip keeps his emotions and ideas locked away in a bottomless pit with about ten locks on it and will occasionally grab one out, polish it, smooth it, and blurt it out in a perfectly concise neat clean statement. These sticato sentences in between his long silences drive me nuts, and my blabbering inaficiant flow of thought drives him nuts. -i am fundamentally a creature of security and habit. He is a creature in sparatic ADD flux. -in a weird way Phillip has the selfish type mentality of a 5 year old where he does not understand compromise. I have been attracted to many men like this and am starting to wonder if i am trying to find someone like my father. This is not to say that he is trying to make my life uncomfortable on purpose, he just does not understand that the lengths i'd have to go to to satisfy his needs are unreasonable because it is what he wants and doesn't seem to get my side of it at all. He also thinks he is never wrong. EVER. So... considering that i am a fundamentally stupid unsexy individual who "does not really get him" (as he asserts) and am inconsiderate to his needs (which is funny to me since i really go out of my way to be good to him) youd think he'd want to get rid of me. He sure acts like he does... But no. Apparently, until i raised the whole "maybe we shouldn't be together" issue a few months back it hadn't even occurred to him. No, he was all ready to marry me and proposed once or twice. I kid you not. I find this hard to understand. Sure, i am a generally well behaved girl friend who basically lets him get away with murder and is very well trained (as i am constantly eager to please him and keep going out of my way to do so hoping he will show me affection.. you know the drill). Maybe on some level he understands this and that is the reason he wants to hang on. Who knows. I, however, am hard pressed to see good reasons to hang on to him. I have plenty, but they are shitty ones they are as follows: -He is extremely intelligent (possibly the most intelligent person i have ever met). HOWEVER he doesn't tend to see fit to share his brilliant brain with me, so i don't, in the end get that much out of it besides just the knowledge of it's presence. -we do tend to have some simmilar opinions on important issues which are hard to come by like, say, no monogamy, or, you do what you want and i won't stop you, things like that. -When he is nice, i am very happy, but there are plenty of other people who i can be as happy with and more of the time...i hope. -He is a very attractive individual to me. Great. that's a stupid shallow reason, and i find anyone i am with attractive -I am emotionally attached to him. Another stupid reason. -Being with him is convenient (more on this later) we share certain things like a home and technology and it would be a pain to split that shit up. a pragmatic reason which should not keep people together. -I absolutely ADORE his family and hate the idea of not having access to them anymore. I have learned to love them so. It will almost be harder to give up loving them since, unlike Phillip, they have been really good to me all of the time and really do deserve my love. I don't know how i am going to reconcile this one. So. back to the point. We had a talk. I am of the opinion that we really will not last. I have been waiting for a long time for him to figure out his life and treat me well 90% of the time, but it does not seem to be likely to happen any time soon. I am not willing to wait that much longer. However, we have a lease signed for this apartment and while he would have no problems going and living with his brother it would be very difficult for me to find someone to live with, and i do not want to move. That issue sort of binds us for the time being. He wants to not live together and "date" because he is not willing to give up on the relationship since apparently there isn't that much wrong with it (of course he thinks there isn't, he doesn't see how bad he can be to me and i am usually good to him so in his mind it's all good.. i just realized this. hah!) He thinks if we live apart and "date" he can reset himself somehow and we can start "fresh" maybe with out the Jessica pain looming in the background as it was when we first got together (or as much) and so on. Hmm. I am very skeptical of that plan. I already know we get along great when we just "date". We did that already. It means that when he only comes over when he wants to be around me and treats me well. However, i am not interested in having a boyfriend who lives somewhere else. I am interested in a live in partner. And we already know how we work with that arraignment. The idea that if it got better and he moved in again it would not go back to the way it is now seems not worth the hassle of the moving out in the first place. If i am to go threw the hassle of him moving out i am def. done with the relationship. Well, there is no good arraignment for him to move out that we can think of so we are trying to take a break as best as we can while still living together. I know, that never works, but maybe it will distance us just a teeny amount, just enough to get a fresh perspective. Who knows, not like there are that many good other choices so. whatever. I would like to summarize that while i realize all this complaining puts phil in a bad light, i am not trying to make him a villain here. He is a fundamentally good person, even if self absorbed. Most of the things he does he does not do to perpesfully upset me, he does them because it is who he is and how he acts with other people. He is just doing "his thing". Yes, it is true that i feel mistreated, and it is true that i feel that he is the primary cause of why this relationship is not working, but in the end it's more a compatibility issue. I can't think of a single female who will be ok being treated the way he treats me, but, then again, maybe he will treat her differently. i don't know. Or maybe he will find a business cold executive type who will only want to hang out a few times a week and he will get his alone internal time and be good to her the few hours that he sees her. That may work. Who knows. The point is, for whatever reason, we do not. Not to the point, by any means, of oh-god-i-can't-take-any-more-of-this, but more the the point where we really do need to realize that as a long term thing it most likely won't do. Ah well. That's ok, i have a kitten. He is a beautiful guy and and causes me great joy all the time. I also have a beautiful Lilian who is still going strong (she will be three yeas old in March and i think she may make it.) And everyone else, Phillip does not get the whole "pet" thing, he finds them to be more of a nuisance then anything else. But i adore them all. Current mood: calm.
This entry is for all my smoking friends You should all invest $40 or whatever in the electronic cigarette. NOW ($40 for two, so sell the other one for $20 or whatever) Ok, so Surat (Phil's brother) got this product and i have seen it in action and can testify to how awesome it is. look at this link (this is the exact version which Stuart has for which i can vouch) http://cgi.ebay.com/2-PACK-E-MINI-ELECT i found this description somewhere " Electronic Cigarette performs similarly to traditional smoking. It looks, feels and tastes like a cigarette or cigar, and delivers all the pleasures of smoking, without all the problems. The secret to what makes the Electronic Cigarette better than traditional smoking is what is inside this revolutionary new product. The non-flammable Electronic Cigarette is driven by modern microelectronic technology, a small rechargeable battery and a unique, safe replaceable cartridge containing water, propylene glycol, nicotine, a scent that emulates a tobacco flavor and a membrane to suspend the ingredients. When using the Electronic Cigarette, the act of inhaling or smoking it produces the tactile and craving satisfactions traditional smokers seek, and triggers a vaporizing process that releases a simulated smoke that is actually a vapor mist that harmlessly evaporates into the air within a few seconds." In actuality, it is not EXACTLY like smoking a cigarette. There is no burning so there is no smoke so you don't get that smoking burning feeling in your throat. You are also sucking on a plastic thing, not a paper thing, and you are not lighting it with a lighter. (you don't light it at all, just suck at it activates). It's also just the one cigarette (or two, or however many you have) so you don't have a pack from which you are fetching a new one every time. None of these things are bad persay, but they do take a bit of getting used to if you are used to smoking. On the other hand, it is SO MUCH HEALTHIER AND CHEAPER IN THE LONG RUN THAT YOU SHOULD ALL SWITCH NOW. oh yah, and it's legal to "smoke" it indoors wherever since there is no actual burning or smoke or residual smell at all. and yes, you still get the nicotine high from it. The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they've printed. 1) Look at the list and * those you have read. 2) ^those you intend to read. 3) ** the books you LOVE. 4) Reprint this list in your own LJ so we can try and track down these people who've read only 6 and force books upon them. THE LIST 1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen 2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien 3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte **4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling **5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee *6 The Bible 7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte **8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell 9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman **10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens *11 Little Women - Louisa M. Alcott *12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy **13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller 14 Complete Works of Shakespeare *15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier **16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien 17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks **18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger ^19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger 20 Middlemarch - George Eliot 21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell *22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald 23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens 24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy **25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams 26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh 27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky *28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck **29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll 30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame 31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy 32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens 33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis 34 Emma - Jane Austen 35 Persuasion - Jane Austen **36 The Portrait of Dorian Gray- Oscar Wilde 37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini 38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres **39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden **40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne **41 Animal Farm - George Orwell *42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown 43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez 44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving 45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins **46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery 47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy 48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood **49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding 50 Atonement - Ian McEwan *51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel *52 Dune - Frank Herbert 53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons 54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen 55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth 56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon 57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens **58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley 59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon 60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez ^61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck **62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov(ONE OF MY FAVORITES OF ALL TIME!) **63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt 64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold 65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas 66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac 67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy **68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding 69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie 70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville **71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens *72 Dracula - Bram Stoker **73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett 74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson 75 Ulysses - James Joyce 76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath 77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome 78 Germinal - Emile Zola *79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray 80 Possession - AS Byatt *81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens 82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell 83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker 84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro 85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert 86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry *87 Charlotte's Web - EB White 88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom **89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle 90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton 91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad 92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery 93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks 94 Watership Down - Richard Adams 95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole 96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute 97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas 98 The Cider House Rule- John Irving **99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl *100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo Really, A Clockwork Orange should be on this list... And the fucking DeVinci Code should NOT. There's been a lot of talk between Damian and i. Sometimes i use english and tell him things. When he wants something, though, we tend to talk in Cat talk because he seems to respond to it more readily. Example I am in the bathroom and DD didn't see me go there DD: Meeow (where are you?) Me: Meeeeoow (i am here, follow my voice) DD: Meeeeeeeeeooooow (where ARE you?) Me: MEEEEEEOOW (right HERE follow my voice damn it) DD: (closer now) Meow (um, still looking but more hopeful) Me: MeeoW (yup, you got it!) DD: (head peeks around the corner of the bathroom) Brrrrrmm (Oh yay! there you are!) DD: Meooow (may i chill on your lap while you poop?) Me: pett my lap (yes you may!) DD: jumps up with a happy Brrrrm! So what i have gatered thus far is this DeDe Meows for my benefit. Almost always to ask for something. He Meow asks if he can jump up on my lap when i am sitting in a single erect chair which he interprets as "me in my space" But not when i am on the couch or bed as that is public space (i think) He Meows when he wants me and doesn't know where i am. I Meow back and he finds me. Exc. The Brrm (or however that weird cross between a quick murmur chirp sound should be spelled) is a sound he makes for himself. He makes it when something "works out" and he is pleased. He also makes a slightly different version when he is frustrated like when his toys get pushed in tricky places and he has to wiggle them free. He makes the noise a LOT when he is play fighting (which is to say, most attack and kick about play). It's ridiculously cute, and not, i think, for my benefit. Sometimes the Brrrm turns itself into a half meow when he is especially please (i think)? And of course the kitten purrs ALL THE TIME but i don't consider that talking. That is all. I have not yet heard the kitten hiss yet.. which is not a bad thing. He is very sweet. Very nice to Lili still. A bit terrified of the other rats because when i let Possy out to try to get her back to being free range she chased him mercilessly and when he finally sat down on my lap where he felt safe, she came over, sniffed him, and then tried to eat his face. It was horrible and now kitten has a gash on his lower jaw which is healing... but still. Possy is no longer allowed anywhere near him until she gets older and chills out a bit. She spends her days in the cage and in the big storage closet which has a hole into the walls of the house where the house rats (which phil set free in the basement) live. I feel bad about it because i don't get to interact with her as much but... well. she was being a real bitch, and he was stressed all night. Hmm, what else. He has an annoying habit of liking to nibble on my feet in the mornings (or when i get up). It doesn't hurt, but it's not very pleasent either. Weird things is he is VERY set on it in the mornings, and forgets all about it around 2pm. weird. He spends most of his time wanting to hang out with someone (mostly me). This is very difficult when phil and i take baths as he wants to be on our laps... but does not want to be in the bath. He skulks around the perimeter of the old fationed bath tub and sometimes slips and falls in. He thinks it is very clever to hide behind the bath curtain when we are going in and out of the bathroom and attack our feet. Unfortunately, it actually is clever and scares me when i forget he is there. heh. I suspect him to be a schizophrenic. He randomly attacks the floor when there is nothing on it and runs back and forth knocking into walls chasing nonexistent somethings, and he likes to get into the bathtub (when there's no water in it) and i am in the bathroom, and roll around attacking the white porcelain for no apparent reason. Maybe he just has a vivid imagination. Yesterday he arched his back, and fluffed out his tail like the pictures of the black haloween cats framed against pumpkins (you know what i mean). He had never done this before and i thought maybe Possy got out... but no. Nothing was there. I am still clueless about it. Current mood:  amused.
So it's been over a week now and DeDe/Damian/Cute Little Fucker/Flee Bag/The Kitten is doing great. (see previous entry if this one is not making sense). I have made a list Things DeDe likes: -Purring (he does this any time he is in contact with me and for a while i thought he was always purring) -lying on the keyboard of my laptop (see previous entry with photo) because it is worm. This is annoying as he tends to turn my computer off and type silly things like GWWWWRRRRR -Lie with his face against mine and one of his front paws on my face or chest. -Lick my nose and face -Put his paws on rat tails (he loves rat tails) -catching flies -playing with cloth which is hanging over the side of furniture -playing with rats (though he does not try to hurt them) -watching fish in the fish tank I adore this little kitten and can no longer imagine life with out him. Finally, here is a video i took one day when he was hanging out with Buttons who happened to be in heat. I thought it was very cute and posted it on You Tube. Everyone on You Tube, however, thought it was animal cruelty and i needed to go to hell/have my animals taken away/ exc. There were a lot more angry comments that i deleted. I would hope non of you think it's animal cruelty but if you do, consider the comment i left there... and if you still do, go to hell. ;) Current mood: amused.
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